I have officially made my self the biggest advocate of Adobe Master Suite. This monument of a software is the culmination of aborted souls birthed by the nuns who aided Michelangelo in the painting of the Sistine Chapel. I've yet to see any product touch, fondle or even tickle Adobe's clear presence as the BEST SOFTWARE PROVIDER ON EARTH.
I think Adobe's decision to name it's comprehensive collection the "Master Suite," was deliberate. They know good and damn well they have everyone (including their competitors) owned and whipped to the point of total dominance. But the product is so good to you; you wouldn't know what to do with yourself if you tried to flee and why would you want to runaway. This is why its always better to be master's friend, than try to get away. The opportunity cost it too great
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So I haven't written in this blog for some time now and there is a good reason for this. Apart from school out to destroy anything that is left of my brain; I've been making some serious headway towards my life goals. The whole purpose for me writing a blog was to aid me in polishing my skills as an aspiring copywriter. Being completely resolved in my career decision I have taken another step in my quest to be a words smith. I have created copy and spec advertisements for real products. This is part of my whole "talk less do more" manifesto. And in order for me to get into the advertising industry I think I'm gonna have to make some ads somewhere along the lines.
I teamed up with a buddy of mine who is good with Photoshop and had him take my concepts (image and copy) to be put into the quintessential form of communicating to an audience. The print ad. So without further ado; here is my first pint ad. There is always more to come.
Head: Life, One Glass at a Time
Body:Good Health and Beauty come in all forms. Islkar Norwegian Glacial Water is the purest form of all.
Naturally filtered through a bed of glacier ice and hard aquifer rock, Isklar provides the cleanest purest most beautiful natural spring water known to man.
Now presenting... Health, Beauty, Life
Subhead: Isklar Norwegian Mineral Glacial Water
We all get caught up watching random YouTube videos during the day to avoid doing work, or to occupy the time -on those boring days- between waking up and going to sleep. We watch solely for entertainment purposes, normally sticking to the most inspiring genres of funny, gross, or weird. If your like me, you enjoy them all, but would rather watch them segregated in their own god-given groups; for the same reason you don't mix orange juice with milk. It's easier on the stomach left separate. I've yet to see a video that has been able to combine Dave Chappelle comedy and the 2 girls 1 cup scat-pornography series, without me feeling the omnipresent eye of God on my back, trying to figure out what type of monster he could have created that would watch such distgusting, yet amusing things. That being said, Ive been waiting patiently to see the person who could bring the two worlds of filth and sexual humor together with me wanting to slit my wrist.
Today in my attempt to forget that I have two exams - which I am totally unprepared for.
I spent hours watching YouTube videos, putting myself into a somnambulistic daze hoping the calculus gods would send my professor (whos test I WASN'T studying for) back to the eastern european hell she came from.
YouTube recommended to me a music video called, what what in the but. The name alone got me. Who could resist a song called what what in the but?
Yes I assumed it was something gay, but the gays always have funny videos.
THIS video by far was the most grotesque, amusing, weird video I've seen in years. Other than the fact that a video is singing about a guy wanting to get penetrated in the rear. The video used sign language translation to illistrate the lyrics for the deaf, and my amusement. That’s thoughtful, don’t you think?
I can’t really say anything else about this video, other than to enjoy. If your homophobic, or squeamish I suggest you do not watch.
Have you ever notice most students kill themselves to get their degree? I'm not talking about the, "ill be happy if i get a C" students, but the ones who are actually capable of getting a decent job after graduating. I mean, I know in order to succeed you have to work hard, but the way the system (school system) works, it seems the only option to be successful are to: bust your ass tirelessly, performing the equivalence of slave labor, cheat your way through school finding every resource possible to sponge of off come test time , or be a total polymath, maybe even the reincarnation of Nostradamus never needing to open a book. Aside from the lucky few who just woke up one morning and understood life as a whole. Who is more likely to succeed; the Slave, or the Thief?
I mean, lets be honest, we all know assholes always come first. Think of all the hottest girls you've ever known (or wanted to know) and count the number assholes they've gone out with. You will probably loose count after the second girl, It's like trying to count sand at Chris Brown's beach house. What I'm trying to saying, is that the asshole doesn't do anything but be a total douches, yet he reaps the rewards of something he dose not deserve. Don't you think the same could be said about the cheaters? They sleep during class, drink four days out of the week (not including weekends), and play video games every night, yet they manage to pull a 97's on a finance exam because the professor uses the same test for all his classes. Things like this make the "workaholic" student infuriated, and me laugh. You can see the Asian kid in the front of the class steaming out of his head because he studied his ass of and received a 93.
Regrettably, I do understand Cum Yin Mi's position. I wouldn't want to work my ass of at a job, having someone come in, steal my idea, and takes credit for it. But I wouldn't be mad at him either ( in hindsight after making his life a living hell). Life seems to give the most opportunity to the most opportunist- some where blessed with the will power to work hard, while others can only work of the toil of other. But all roads to the top of the mountain are going the same direction.
Someone once told me that in order to get something done, "you have to put a Nike sign on it and just do it". So in effort to follow one of the greatest ad campaigns ever, Im just doing it.I got my first freelance job developing copy (advertisement) for a marketing agency. Yes I am scared as shit.
As I've said many times before, I started this blog to work on my writing, and to develop the ability to write long copy ( or long pieces of advertising). My educational background is in business -marketing and finance- not writing. Yet being that I go to a technical school, we focus on the analytic side of things, and less on the creative. This can be seen as a set back for an aspiring copywriter. However, I am not one to let silly impediments such as "writing" get in the way of me achieving my ultimate goal. What is that goal you ask? Its simple really, I am going to become the black Eddie Bernays.
[ for those of you who don't know who Eddie Bernays is, go get a clean sock, get but naked, and press play (below). You will find that this man - the nephew of Sigmund Freud- was ingenious. Evil. But absolutely brilliant none-the-less. He reminds me of a fucked up version of G from Holy man ]
One may ask why I have this desire to control the masses through propaganda, and ballyhoo? I have a simple answer for that as well. I hate to be controlled. I'd rather give up my morality and drink the blood of iron deficient children in Cambodia, than be controlled by the media (By the way there is this new app for the I-phone called Twitterfon. Ridiculous!). The media is so powerful that I don't think I can avoid it unless I become a total recluse, and I don't plan on missing an episode of Mad Men or Trust Me for any sanctity for my soul, the opportunity cost is to vast.Which for me is unfortunate, therefore, I say if you can't beat em, join em.
So yea, after I finish my whole bid to take over the world through advertisement, I plan to go to Jupiter and build an ice hotel on its rings. It will be called: Since when did Jupiter have ice rings?
You learn something new everyday
In an effort to expand my vocabulary, and keep up with my blog, I've decided to start a "word of the day" post. Words are taken directly from my I-Phone. I don't plan on actually putting up a new word a everyday, but I plan on posting words on a regular basis that someone should incorporate into their vocabulary.
Today's words:
Pleonasm \PLEE-uh-niz-um\
1. The use of more words than necessary : redundancy
Example sentence:
"One Pleonasm that bugs me is free gift, said quaison. After all , how can anything be a gift if it isn't free?"
Okay I've succumb. I now have a twitter account, and I plan to update it regularly. The problem that I don't want to see my self fall into, is putting to much of my business out there for the world to see.
For example: Some girl whom I now classify as a whore -who is on my twitter- just out of pure entertainment for her "followers" decides to lament to the world about her boyfriends small penis seconds after having sex. Now I know people do dumb things like this on facebook, but twitter is designed to provide up-to-the-minute info about what a person is doing at that specific moment. At least with facebook people give a euphemism when referring to their more private daily occurrences.
If I was that girls boyfriend I would have written a reply tweet saying: "Someone call the cops now. I'm about to go to jail for murder."