Choosing Not to Speak

There's no "safe for work" verb to fill in the above blank. slip, squirt, club... Nothing. They're all just dirty, or misanthropic, but that may just be my perverse brain at work. So, I gave my more perverse friends a shot. They gave me words like, "caulk, pickle, diddle." And my favorite, "filch."...they never offer any good help.

By the way, can you filch all over someones face? I know what it means, but it sounds like a dump and a money shot wrapped loosely in a Polish sausage casing. Which granted is a little over the top, but who would want to "filch" all over someones face anyway? Can you clean something like that off? (the thought is killing me, but I digress...).

Trying to solve my on going dilemma I realized you can add a noun to the sentence to change the focus (e.g., I want to put makeup all over your face). I think that defeats the purpose though. It doesn't have the same intonation by just saying , " I want to put all over your face," or if your Tiger Woods, " I want to putt all over your face." And being that Tiger is a true sportsman and knowing what's been going on in his life, he probably would use a nine iron instead. I wonder if he banged a Polish chick? You think she let him filch all over her face?